Build a High Self-Esteem and Stop the Attack Thoughts

Self-esteem. What is it? It’s the way in which you regard yourself. You can have either high self-esteem or low self-esteem. 

Self-esteem issues seem to be a part of the human condition. I haven’t met anyone yet, apart from those with personality disorders, who haven't had self-esteem issues.

Unfortunately, our highly technological world makes it incredibly easy to find comparison. We’re constantly looking at images of people on Instagram or online that are altered in post. We create a skewed sense of reality because we’re not actually facing reality, we’re facing modified reality.

With an assortment of filters and endless editing options people have the ability to look their best for the camera. Yes, there are the people who are genetically blessed who look amazing most of the time, but the truth is, reality doesn’t look as glamorous as we are led to believe.

This causes us to have self-esteem issues. When we look at someone’s post, we often compare ourselves: she’s prettier than me, she has bigger boobs than me, a smaller waist, she always goes on fun adventures, she’s always dating hotter guys, etc. And for men: he’s taller than me, he is more muscular, he drives a better car, he’s always dating hotter women. And the list goes on and on.

We are plagued with comparison and more often than not, we will fall short. Because that is the nature of comparison. That’s why it’s important to build a self-esteem that is not dependent on material things.

Self-esteem beyond materialism

Knowing your worth beyond materialism will help you to compare less and love more. Not only will you love yourself more, but you’ll have more compassion for the people you see online. 

When you begin to recognize that we are all One, that we are all connected beyond this material reality, you will create a deeper sense of self-worth. Every heart and soul is interconnected and developing that awareness is far more valuable than spending hours on social media becoming addicted to the likes and comments.

Spending time to create a self-esteem that is separate from what you have or look like, but rather, focuses on who you are inside, will ease the ails of comparison. Because the truth is, no matter what you say or do, you will always be worthy.

Body image issues are all too prevalent these days, especially as we are inundated with media images and messages creating a culture of never feeling good enough. I find I have much more mental equanimity when I'm not on social media but instead, living my life (playing music, talking on the phone with friends, reading).

Ultimately, it comes down to having a solid sense of self and self-worth. Understanding that no matter what number you see on the scale, no matter how small you are, or how big and curvaceous you are, the problem starts in the mind. Everyone faces body image complaints at some point; it’s when it becomes more of a neurosis that it becomes a problem. 

Attacking the attack thoughts 

If you’re dealing with self-esteem issues, then it’s important to stay hyper vigilant about what you’re thinking. Our thoughts literally become our reality, and for anyone struggling to love themselves, they know how abusive their mind can be.

I find relief in developing deeper relationships with others—where I can be real and vulnerable. When we don’t allow ourselves to truly be seen, because we’re afraid we’re not good enough and people won’t love us if they see us, we create complexes in our heads and actually believe what the shadow part of our mind (ego) tells us is true. 

Finding vulnerable and trustworthy relationships, either with a mentor, therapist, friend, or family member, will create a safe space that will allow you to release any darkness that you’re holding inside. Remember, it’s important to express yourself because the energy will stay stuck inside unless it has a way to release itself. 

I use art for my main expression. When the attack thoughts get to be too much and I feel like I’m going to implode from self-hatred, I will often write a poem or a song. I also distract myself from the thoughts to not allow them to fully form. Or if I can’t help the thoughts and they’re stuck on repeat, I will call a friend or mentor to help me talk out the situation and work on why I’m feeling so negative.

If you don’t feel like you have someone close to you in your life you feel safe with, you can always find a therapist. I found my first breakthroughs and tools to cope with the attack thoughts in therapy. My therapist helped me to learn to find compassion towards myself.

Journaling is also an incredibly helpful tool because it’s a safe space to share your darkest secrets without fear of others finding out. It has been proven to have many mental and emotional health benefits.

My experience of feeling unworthy of love and life stretched into many shadow areas. I originally started with cutting; then alcohol, sex, and drugs; and when I got sober, my eating disorder thrived. Because everything is a symptom of the underlying problem: a fear and feeling of not being good enough or worthy of love and life. 

Finding people you can trust and ways to express yourself will do great wonders for your self-esteem. Getting involved in some kind of artistic expression is incredibly powerful and if it’s in a group it can help you to also build strong relationships. Working with a team towards a bigger goal provides us with a feeling of purpose.

Something I wish someone would have told me sooner that I am telling YOU now: 

You are so worthy of love no matter what you say, do, or look like. You will always be worthy of love and there’s nothing you can do to change that. Just the fact that you are alive, means you are worthy. You are here for a reason or else you wouldn’t be here at all. Believe in your worth now so you don’t have to learn through pain and suffering later.

Believe those words. Embody them. They are yours to keep.

Building self-esteem with positive affirmations

Positive affirmations are a great way to build your self-esteem and reprogram your mind. Stopping the attack thoughts before they can attack will shift the neural pathways of your brain and you can then carve new, healthier ones.

Repeat these phrases to yourself, either aloud or in your head:

I am enough.

I am worthy.

I have everything I need.

There is nothing I need to do or be to be loved.

I love myself for who I am.

I appreciate myself for everything I’ve done to love myself and others.

Through living these truths you will understand your worth. Building and maintaining self-esteem is much like drinking water. You can drink the full amount and feel good in your body and mind for taking care of yourself, but the next day, you need to start over. By doing daily practices to build a good self-esteem you will create a life you love, because you’ll be learning to love yourself. 

To have high self-esteem you must do esteem-able acts. This means living by the principles in which you value. If you value generosity, donate to charities and give to others. If you value kindness, help someone struggling or buy a stranger dinner—these acts are especially infectious and can create a ripple effect. If you value knowledge, read more and educate yourself on different topics. If you value love, give it freely without expectation. 

There are many things you can do to build your self-esteem, and staring at pictures of people online won’t be one of them. The more you focus on loving yourself the more energy you’ll have to pour that love outward into the world.

Today, find ways in which you can build your self-esteem.

And remember that you are always loved, because you are  love.

Check out our Raise Your Self-Esteem meditation!