Why Social Media Sucks and Feelings Are Beautiful

As I'm writing this I’m not okay. And that’s okay.

We live in a society that tells us vulnerability is weakness and emotions are not to be expressed publicly. Well, that’s a bunch of bullshit.

Emotions are what fill every single one of us, every single day. They are what we can relate to more than anything. Anyone knows what it feels like to have their heart broken. Well, unless they’re a sociopath and are devoid of any feelings.

Being able to connect with each other through our feelings is what makes us human. While my existential disdain for being human oftentimes clouds my gratitude for the beauty of my humanness, there is something I find to be so beautiful and worthy of praise: connecting through emotion.

As an actress and writer, I am constantly trying to understand other people—their emotions, what they’re thinking, why they act a certain way. I find human nature fascinating and constantly am observing the world.

That’s where my downfall comes. I observe the world around me, not always living in it. I believe it comes from self-preservation: making sure I know how to fit in and how to act in order to be accepted.

And let me tell you, I’m usually wrong.

There’s something about me that repels most people. I’m the metaphoric stinky kid that people are turning their heads away from when I pass by. I have spent countless hours trying to understand this and pick apart the “Why?!” But alas, I’m usually left feeling lonely and misunderstood.

There comes a time when we must accept who we are. People look at me and don’t like me. And trust me, no matter how hard I try to play the game and fit in to a box I think they’d like, it always ends up with me getting hurt, either from me being untrue to myself or the other people disliking me and turning against me.

Now, I’m not playing the victim here. Or maybe I am. Irregardless, the truth is that most people don’t initially like me when they meet me. I’ve heard the stories of it being because I’m pretty and other people make up stories about what that must mean. So I tried to not be so pretty—not wearing makeup or cute clothes, dimming my light so other people can feel comfortable.

The truth is: I was born to stand out. And when you stand out, a lot of people aren’t going to like that. But another truth is: I’m so fucking tired of playing the game, trying to be the person I think other people will accept. It’s exhausting. And usually fruitless.

It’s lonely when you feel like the world is against you. 

The point of this article is not to blame the world. It’s to take ownership. Ownership of who I am, even if people don’t like that. Because the truth is, I’ve had people dislike the fake person I was being too. I’m working to attract the right people into my life, even if that’s a small tribe, rather than thousands of sycophantic followers.

Social media has trained us all to think that likes and follows determine our worth. How insincere of a life is that? Constantly putting yourself on display for the world to judge. I say that because I have been prey to that lifestyle—wanting external approval and thinking that I could feel better about myself through posting a picture and seeing who cares. But, who cares?

I’ve discovered recently that most people don’t care. I gained a small following on social media and then disappeared for two weeks. No one noticed or said anything. My ego was crushed. I asked myself, “Does anyone care?”

The truth is, no. Everyone is so busy with their own lives and they have myriad other people to follow and distract themselves with that my presence, and lack thereof, doesn’t really matter.

Pretty bleak, right?

Right. But also freeing. Because it means you can do whatever the fuck you want! I mean this in a tongue-in-cheek way. Don’t do whatever the fuck you want if it hurts people or is purposefully offensive or antagonizing. However, do do whatever the fuck you want if it’s creating art and writing poetry and not caring how other people will perceive you.

Social media has become The Oppressor. It keeps us in a state of fear, anxiety, and insecurity. A way to control the masses. And we feed into it and we allow it to overtake our lives and dictate how we act.

Well, fuuuuuck that.

I’m tired. Are you tired?

Don’t get me wrong, I love people. I love connecting with people. But real connections with real people. Not through some device that lights up when I’m falsely reaffirming my self-worth. 

I find social media to be damaging. But at the same time, it is a way for people to connect and express themselves and relate to others. So with every thing in life, there exists a dichotomy.

Social media may be addictive and drive us to misuse it as a distraction from facing off with our everyday reality and problems we have. BUT. It also can be used to provide hope. 

I guess the force lies within your own consciousness. Will you use social media for good or for evil? Which pill are you going to take?

Thanks for reading. I hope you got something out of it. Maybe it infuriated you. Good. Feel it. Maybe it empowered you. Good. Feel it.

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