It’s been three weeks. Three weeks of daily devotion. I wake up in the morning and the first thing I do is grab my Bible-sized New Age Bible, as some have called it. I read the lesson for the day, participating in the exercise and then flip to the front where the Text lays, written on pages filled with philosophy and challenging thoughts of salvation and reprogramming a Catholic-raised brain in a Christian society. And then I sit and meditate, asking the Holy Spirit how I should go about my day.
I’ve known about A Course in Miracles (ACIM) for years now, never feeling truly drawn to it until last year, 2020. A year of upheaval and a need to look at and change everything that is no longer working. I knew I needed some level of devotion in my life, and I found it with this book and a study group my friend invited me to.
The plan is to read a lesson a day for one full year. A crazy level of devotion to something I don’t even know what to expect. However, the more I trust my intuition and that inner voice of God, the more I believe it’s for my highest good. So I’ve devoted myself to this year of a lesson a day and diving back into Christian ideas after having torn myself away from them many years ago.
I believe in God, whatever that means.
I believe in a higher power, something so beyond my understanding that it is constantly being revealed to me slowly, layer by layer. And I believe ACIM will bring me a little more past the veil. While a constant struggle of mine is trying to understand God, I believe I will never fully understand it in this lifetime, because I so often would love to be God and play God in many aspects of my life, that the less I know, the better.
However, that doesn’t mean the less I feel, the better. I believe God can be “understood” by feeling it. The feeling of oneness with the stars, the galaxies, all of humanity, the Earth. That remembrance that we are all love. Those moments where I just am and that is all I am, that is when I feel peace.
I believe the reintroduction to the Christian God is just the start. A couple of years ago, I was baptized (again) in Thailand after coming back to Jesus. What I learned from that experience was that I believe the Bible was written by man and therefore there are prejudices that Jesus did not speak of and did not mean to be followed. This strict doctrine of dogmatism has caused division within humanity.
The problem with religion is that everyone thinks they’re right. There is no understanding of others and the principles of love, acceptance, and brotherhood that all religions teach, actually are misconstrued and used to turn us against each other. We believe that our way is the right way and anything else results in damnation. I mean, it makes sense, we have to accept that or else we can’t accept the terms of our religion.
That’s why I am excited about undertaking this yearlong journey with ACIM. It is a Jesus-channeled text and workbook, bringing us to the truth of the nature of God and ourselves. I’m still in the beginning with the Text and the lessons, but I’m devoted to doing it and trying to stay as open-minded as possible. And for those of you who may be reading this and fighting the urge to send hateful comments about how I’m wrong, why don’t you try the yearlong journey of ACIM and read the Text yourself before jumping to conclusions?
There is no harm in exploring elsewhere and learning about God and love with a pure heart, unless there is fear and doubt about one's religion. This is something I had to accept before starting this journey. I am working through layers of fear and resistance to Christianity after having been shamed my whole childhood, in the name of religion. If ACIM is meant just to bring me closer to God and feel love for myself and others, why would I not want to undertake it?
My journey is not just with ACIM. My journey is with deepening my relationship to God and to my brothers and sisters. By relinquishing dogma and stepping into something new with an open heart, rather than a closed mind and heart, I am able to allow the lessons of God to wash over me. I am open to be changed.
And it's just been three weeks.
More will definitely be revealed.
Brittany Noelle Roa is an interdisciplinary artist with an MFA in Physical Theatre who uses her art and creativity to heal herself and others. She loves learning about health and wellness so she can optimize her human potential to live a full and happy life.